Finding fabulous

Dec 14

Sometimes I remember that I had cancer, and I am in danger of recurrence.  My chest constricts, my heart starts to pound, I blink, I tell myself to breathe, and I physically rotate my shoulders back to force the weight of the cancer to roll off and away. After shaking it off, I lift my chin, I step away from the fear, and I go do something fabulous.  You know, like...

Read More

Life is hard, but God is good.

Dec 01

I am afraid my cancer is going to come back. It is hard to admit: I am afraid. I want to be filled with faith and confidence and joy and oblivion.  I want to be strong and brave.  So soon after receiving my NED status, I want to be all frolick-y and happy dance-y.  The fear is sneaky; it doesn’t get to me all the time.  I work against the fear, but it lurks...

Read More


Nov 27

Today I wished: I wish that I had kept up with some type of baby book for M & G.  I want to write their baby-hoods down (in words and pictures) while I still remember them.  Lucky for me, it’s not too late.  They are still babes.  I re-discovered my passion for story-telling this year.  One photobook (storybook?) each for Christmas; I can make that wish...

Read More

Prayers of thanksgiving

Nov 18

Thanksgiving week.  It’s a great holiday season.  And it is a season–all on it’s own. I love the deep inhalation of gratitude and rest that comes at the end of November.  When I was in school, I needed Thanksgiving break.  (I needed it when I was in school as a student, and possibly even more when I was in school as a high school...

Read More


Nov 12

In 2008 I was at a gathering event for young moms.  At the end of it, one stranger mom walked up to me and said, “Hi, I’m Nan, and I think we should be really, really good friends.” I blinked, a little taken aback.  I also glowed with that “popular girl” feeling: she likes me, she likes me!  And I wondered what about me made her think...

Read More


Oct 22

Dr. Wonderful finishes my exam today, and says, “Wait a minute, don’t go anywhere.” I say, “Okay,” and swing my legs at the edge of the exam table.  I am happy to be boring.  I love my No Evidence of Disease status.  I am happy that I have no concerns, red flags, or burdens to bring to him today.  I wonder if he is going to come back...

Read More