Mar 22

All of this is just bamboozling.  I’m bamboozled, Brad is bamboozled, my family, my friends.  I think everyone I’ve ever known is bamboozled.

It is unexplainable.  I am 32, I have no family history of cancer, I am otherwise healthy.  Dr. Wonderful was poignant and thorough to tell me that there is nothing I did wrong, no choice I made, no product I ate.  The cancer has been there, probably, for years: microscopic and undetectable.  I had no reason to be suspicious: I have regular, annual physicals and OB/GYN appointments.  I went in when I felt an anomaly.  I did everything right.

I have a bamboozling faith.  Since I was seventeen, I have simply known that there is a God the way I know that the grass is green and the sky is blue.  Jesus, God, church, prayer, I’m into all of that, and I can’t explain it.  My faith is genuine and fierce.  Faith is a personal thing; I come from a family that is good–so good that there is an ache in the word.  I have these amazing — bamboozling — fantastic blessings all around me.  These, too, are unexplainable.  It is what was designed for me for my life, with intent, with purpose.

My cancer and this faith, they are connected for me.  I believe there is a battle between good and evil that plays out in trillions of ways every second all over the world.  I have never been more aware of that battle now that I know what is raging inside of me.  How can I accept the unexplainable blessings without accepting the unexplainable ugly?  It is hard, but I will not waste energy asking, “why me?”  It is so much more empowering to pray and hope.

So yes, I’m bamboozled, but I am prepared for this.  There is no one I know who has a stronger support network ready for action.


  1. Sandy /

    Support Network Manjimup, Western Australia, ready for action with you Captain Badass Cancer Fighter Jen. xx

  2. So far this is my favorite post. I believe it explains the world . That there is a battle between good and evil playing out in a trillion ways all over the world including the fight within you right now. How utterly profound. And still in the midst of all this, you choose to pray and have hope. I believe God is using you now to help others see the best way to handle crisis. I am learning from you right now!

  3. After reading all of your posts, it is this one that resonates with me the most. I feel the exact same way about faith, and I love the way you put it to words. I am going to be a friend, follower, prayer warrior that you’ll likely never meet. God is going to use your journey to change me. And to change lots of others too. I have goosebumps. Know that you are covered in prayer. I know that you already do.

  4. Julie /

    I’m so glad I picked “Hero” as my descriptor from reading the very first post, because as I read ever subsequent one, you own the adjective (It’s an adjective right?) more and more clearly! I can never pretend to know the why’s behind ANY of the what’s…. What? You have Cancer?…. Why?….I don’t know God’s reason, but if I had to take a guess, because he see’s you and your faith, and the grace, transparency, and authenticity of faith you are approaching it with and he knows his Glory will SHINE through you!!! Shine on sister… Shine on…. Choose faith, and hope, and love…. and when that choice is super hard one day (or 100 x 100 days), just tell us, so we can choose it for you. I don’t know you (at least I don’t think, unless we prove this mid-western connection through some crazy 6 degree’s of separation), but I’m getting our church family out here praying for you too… your story is bigger than you, it’s God’s story, and right now you are just a very critical component to it, and I KNOW he’s smiling SO big up there, saying ‘That’s my Girl’! So rock on with your bad-ass cancer fighting self, and show the thief that he may steal your health for a little while, but he WILL NOT Kill or Destroy you, for you will have LIFE and LIFE ABUNDANTLY!!!

  5. I’m not sure how I stumbled on your blog, but I just wanted to say that I am praying for you and that I can relate. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer almost 5 years ago at the age of 29. And last year I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer at 35. So I get it. And I can tell you from experience that it’s hard, but God is good. He is always good, always loves us, and He will walk this road with you.

  6. Cancer is not prejudice. It effects everyone regardless of age, sex, or whether you have a family history. I had my double mastectomy 10 days before my 31st birthday. No family history and my BRACA gene testing was negative. I am a Christian and had an amazing support system. And mine was in my lymph node. And the best part is that you will survive too.
    And btw, my husband Jeff (who was and is beyond amazing) is already praying very hard for Brad. And your precious babies.
    I don’t believe in coincidences – I’m here today to pray. And pray I will. And I have an amazing prayer circle who will be asked to pray as well.
    Go ahead and kick it’s tail!