So many mornings this past year, I have woken up thinking, “Holy crap!  I have breast cancer!” or, later, “Holy cow!  Where are my boobs?  Oy, the cancer got ’em.” Having a Big Thing happen in your life is like that: it is, seemingly forever, surreal.  I still shake my head in disbelief that this is my life, that this has happened to...

If you’ve ever been into a baseball game, I hope you know this feeling.  You know, the pounding in your chest when the our team’s bat hits the ball and it’s a high fly ball heading for the fence.  The entire stadium leaps to their feet with a collective gasp.  Men clench their fists, women clasp their heart, and the jaws of the children hang open....

I was going to call this post “Cancer Maintenance”, but then I realized that made no sense because I HAVE NO CANCER. It still makes me feel so happy to type that.  Cancer free. NED.  No evidence of disease. ::Frolick and happy dance commence.:: I’m in a routine right now for NED maintenance: I see Dr. Wonderful, my oncologist and the quarterback of...

I am afraid my cancer is going to come back. It is hard to admit: I am afraid. I want to be filled with faith and confidence and joy and oblivion.  I want to be strong and brave.  So soon after receiving my NED status, I want to be all frolick-y and happy dance-y.  The fear is sneaky; it doesn’t get to me all the time.  I work against the fear, but it lurks...

Dr. Wonderful finishes my exam today, and says, “Wait a minute, don’t go anywhere.” I say, “Okay,” and swing my legs at the edge of the exam table.  I am happy to be boring.  I love my No Evidence of Disease status.  I am happy that I have no concerns, red flags, or burdens to bring to him today.  I wonder if he is going to come back...