Negative
Jan 19
Early this morning, I had what I hope was my very last screening mammogram. Funny, because I turned forty this week. This should have been my first mammogram, had I been in a normal risk category.**
I’m very relieved to share the positive news that my results were negative: no evidence of malignancy.
**For all of my peers who are hitting this big 4-0 milestone, please take this as a sign to schedule your annual screening.
My mastectomy and reconstruction were scheduled for January 16, and in late December (while I was literally halfway through my pre-op physical) I received a phone call that my surgery had to be postponed. My kind physician and I had just high-fived that I passed my EKG and I was moments away from getting a chest X-ray. I had unscheduled and reassigned all of my work, and I had my whole village committed to helping me and my family during my recovery. That delay was hard news to receive, and in that moment I had a big, ugly cry at the poor nurse who walked in to administer a quick Covid booster.
My head and my heart know that someone needed that January surgery date more than me. Someone with cancer. Someone like Jen. Of course, I will wait. I am so lucky to not be that urgent case.
But the murky feelings that swirl around my head and my heart are so selfish and desperate. The defeat of having done all that planning, and to be back at the starting line. The intrusive thoughts that maybe this is the month that I get cancer, and I’ll loose the little control I have over the design of this process. The guilt of how this delay will impact my coworkers, my caretakers, my village.
I feel adrift in the murky feelings. I’m struggling to find my footing at work, stepping back into projects that I didn’t expect to be working on. Big plans for a fortieth birthday celebration had been kicked down the road, something to look forward to after recovery. Anyway, forty is the age of Jen when she died; this is the year I outlive my big sister. It’s hard for me to frame this milestone another way, and the surgery plan had felt like the right fit.
Leading up to this mammogram, all my murky feelings and anxious thoughts have run so close to the surface that both emails and baby photos have triggered spontaneous tears. I’ve struggled to sleep, and I wake up from strange dreams with stress headaches.
My good, negative result today feels like an anchor. My head and my heart know that I’m a clean scan and a step closer to surgery. February 15, I hope.
Love,
Meggie
Here’s to February 15 sister!!!! Love to you!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You’ve got this. Your family continues to lift me up amidst my own family’s struggles with extreme mental illness. Very different, I know. Every family is dealing with struggles you know nothing about, but when someone as AMAZING AS JEN shares, it helps the WORLD!!!! THANK YOU, and you are all loved by SO MANY. 😊❤
Sending loving thoughts and best wishes
for a successful surgery and speedy recovery.
You are a remarkable young lady.
Feb 15 it is!
Thank you for opening up and sharing the struggles and the good news of negative results. I think of your sweet family often and glad to hear from you through this blog. Wishing you the best for your upcoming surgery and proud of the beautiful life you’ve built as you are turning 40. I’m sure Jen’s soul is so happy to see you thriving in love and wisdom.
❤️❤️❤️ and 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 coming your way for Feb 15 and all the dads ahead.
Great news about the test results! Will be praying for a speedy recovery in Feb! Stay strong Megan! I lost my older sister when she was 65 to breast cancer, I’ve now outlived her by 8.5yrs. It’s hard but I know she’s still with me each and every day in my heart! 🙏🙏
Just a bump in the road and everything looks clear for February. Always feel things work out for the best and you will do remarkably well in recovery of your upcoming surgery. Thanks for sharing and reminding all those women turning 40 to get that mammogram ❤️!
Sometimes, timing is everything❣️ Valentine’s Day will be a day of everyone sharing their love with you and The next day will help that love continue for many years to come❣️
Hugs to you, Megan. ❤️ I know Jen is so proud of you.
😇🙏
Good news for the negative results! Praying everything goes well for your upcoming surgery. ❤
❤️
With BRAVE wings you fly and your village is here to catch you when needed! Blessings! Aunt Annie
So glad to hear!
If your village is anything like Jen’s, and I don’t doubt for a second it’s not, they will be ready for you any day. Praying you get your footing and can move forward knowing you are in His hands. ❤️
Sending you a big hug. None of this is easy.