Joyful ugly

Dec 23

Before my 1pm x-ray, Nurse Rozzer (who had shown up to try to bring me home at 9:30am) and I had a long conversation with the charge nurse.  Charge is awesome; a great nurse and advocate.  We broke the scenario down into Best Case Scenario, Worst Case Scenario, Best Worst Case Scenario, Worst Worst Case Scenario, Everything Sucks Scenario.  As you can see, once we left “Best Case Scenario” there was no way to avoid more hospital procedures, more hospital time, and Christmas Happiness getting moved to Hospital Christmas Happiness.  Just so you know, the word hospital mixed with Christmas Happiness doesn’t fool anyone.  There are some families who make hospital happiness happen when the rubber hits the road, but — dang it — I was not ready for my family to do Hospital Happiness this year.

Charge Nurse gave me a slightly-higher-than-10-%-chance of Best Case Scenario–the get out of jail free card where, after my “no change” x-ray, I get to head straight home.  I was not pleased with those odds and, truthfully, I began to mourn my what-would-have-been.

I got back from my 1pm chest x-ray and went to the bathroom for a sponge bath.  Because you know, sponge baths are so revitalizing.

I finished in the bathroom, and found that housekeeping had re-made my bed.  I sat my (relatively) clean self down in my clean room, and I began to mentally prepare how I was going to make joy today.  Chest tube, shmest tube.  Spending the day with my girls is always a good thing.  So what if we had to play games in the hospital instead of at home?  I can still see people who love me; I am blessed that I need not ever question whether my loved ones will come to me.  This will be one rocking hospital room if need be.  I sat contemplatively in my chair, arranging my brain, arranging my emotions, stilling my heart.

Then three nurses entered my room, each of whom I’ve had care for me on different days over the past week.  The last one to enter, today’s nurse, waved her hand and said, “It’s good!  You get to go home!”

I said, “Are you serious?”  as I looked at each of their happy faces.

They all nodded.

And I burst into the ugly cry.  Joyful ugly, I tell you.

And they came over to give me hugs, and they were all crying too.

No hospital Christmas for me this year.  More importantly, no hospital Christmas for my family this year.  I got my Christmas miracle!  And the Bengals won last night?  What is happening in this town?  Somebody better put some lottery tickets in my stocking!

I really don’t have words for this one.  When I call upon my God, and ask you pray-ers to do your thing, I am always bamboozled.  Thank you and Amen.

And all the people said Amen.



  1. Jen powers /

    Sobbing. Praise YOU LORD Jesus!!!

  2. Awesome! Merry Christmas Jen.

  3. Lisa Smith /

    OMG that is the best news I will get all Holiday season. Praise God! Glory Be! Thank you for taking the time to update us all. Sending ALL the love we have here. xo

  4. Mary Beth /

    Glory to God! Enjoy your beautiful family!

  5. Amy Wheeler /

    SO thrilled to read this!! Hooray and Merry Christmas!!

  6. Glory to God in the Highest, Praise His Holy Name! He is Healer, Merciful Savior, Emmanuel!

  7. ShannonK /

    Thank you Jesus!!! Love you Jen!!!

  8. Jill Young /

    The power of Prayer!!!!
    And I will continue, praying for you Jen, and your sweet family.
    Merry Christmas, Love, Jill

  9. We three nurses of hopsital are,
    Sending Jen home with her family – Hoorah!

    Have a wonderful Christmas!


    • ohiofishergirl /

      Thanks for taking such good care of my niece!!! Merry Christmas!

  10. Happy, joyful tears for you!!! I’ve been praying with you and am so thankful you received your Christmas miracle! God is so good!

  11. Tiffany /

    So very happy for you!! The Merriest of Christmas to you and your beautiful family! God is so good!!

  12. Lori6NV /

    Awww, this just made my Christmas-eve-eve. Tears of joy. Enjoy the Christmas at home you so deserve!

  13. Kim Rourke /

    There could not be happier news! Who knows… Maybe your miracle also touched others in the hospital who now won’t have to do “hospital Christmas happiness”. Continued prayers for a speedy recovery! Joyful! Joyful!

  14. Susan Walsh /

    More than overjoyed for you! Merry Christmas!

  15. God gives the best surprise gifts of all! Celebrating with you this most wonderful, unexpected, but incredible surprise!!

  16. Tears of joy!! Our God is so good.

  17. Woo-hoooooo!! 🙂

  18. Christin /

    Ah, I burst into tears reading this! I can only imagine yours!!!!! Miracles upon miracles. What a God we serve!

  19. Amen

  20. Wonderful!!!! Our God is so BIG!!! Have a joy filled Christmad

  21. I’m sobbing. I’m SO extremely happy for you and your family. When I saw the post title ‘Joyful Ugly’ I prepared myself to mourn with you. I am overwhelmed with awe and joy at your Christmas miracle. God bless you with continued NED and God bless your family during this joyous time.

  22. Bonnie J /

    I was in the midst of reading your mom’s first blog post when all of a sudden the update came……. Home, Jen goes !! Our God is an awesome God and takes care of all of our needs, wants and desires!! Merry Christmas Jen!!

  23. Took the time to pray this morning, not just say I would, not just want to…and then forget. God is so good! Thank you Jesus for this.

  24. Yay yay yay yay!!!!!!! Happy dancin is in order. A Christmas miracle for certain. Thank you, Jesus!

  25. carolyn craig /

    Prayers answered! So glad that you are getting to go home. Your posts are uplifting. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January and opted for double mastectomy due to family history. Both boobs and all cancer removed and no chemo or radiation. Talk about a prayer walk with the Lord!! Cancer sucks but sure brings us to a closer relationship to Him. Merry Merry Christmas and Joy in the new year!!

  26. My wireless went down so I just read this. Thank you God… We are all praying and crying. Yay.

  27. In the Costco gas line crying. Merriest of Christmases to you and your family. You deserve every single ounce of joy!!!

  28. Are you riding home on Santa’s sleigh? Jingle bell rock your way home, mama!

  29. Becky Palmieri /


  30. Tiffany /

    God is always bigger than we can ever imagine (even bigger than 10% chance)! Today He was doing His normal BIG THINGS for our Jen!! Praise God! And snuggle your girls tonight! We love you!!

  31. Praise God for miracles!
    You do joyful ugly well, I just know it. ♥
    I bet your joy — and even your tears — made those nurses’ day.

  32. Amen!!! Hallelujah!! Merry Christmas!

  33. What a wonderful Christmas Miracle for you and your lovely family. This can be summed up by Anne Lamott’s three great prayers: HELP, THANKS, WOW!!
    Praises be.

  34. ohiofishergirl /

    So happy for you and those miracles happening in Cincinnatti!! Let the festivities and happy dances around the Christmas tree begin!!! xoxoxox

  35. So glad to hear your good news! Hope you have a fab Christmas and best wishes for your continued recovery from New Zealand

  36. Sue Brelsford /

    It’s the season for Christmas miracles!

  37. Becky Merrill /

    Crying & rejoicing with you! You just made everyone’s Christmas! God is good! Hugs!!

  38. Kathleen /

    What wonderful news! Enjoy this joyous holiday with your family! Blessings to you all.

  39. Christy Webster /

    So glad you get to go home!!! Merry Christmas to you!!

  40. Darlene Cliff /

    What a joyous holiday. I am so thrilled that the prayers have been heard and you can share the holiday with your girls and Brad at home.
    We will remember you all while we spend Christmas Day at grandpa’s.

  41. I am crying! I am SO VERY happy for you and for your family. Merry Christmas, indeed!!!!!!!

  42. Amyrhoo /


  43. Jennifer /

    Merry, joyful, praise-filled Christmas to you and your clan!

  44. Went to bed and woke up thinking of you Jen and family. Praying that this day is joyful, fun and I am thankful you were with Brad, Maren and Gretta.

  45. Hillary not DE now CA /

    Merry merry Christmas! Tears of joy for you!!!! SO happy!!!
    Hope you are enjoying every minute!

  46. Banita Bakley /

    Amen! Hope you had a joyous Christmas at home!