My Sludge

Jun 19

Want to know what was in my smoothie this morning?  Kale, spinach, cucumber, celery, broccoli sprouts, chia seeds, blueberries, ice cubes, and water.

I know.  Ew.

Blending up the ingredients produces a dark green sludge.  I have to eat it with a spoon instead of drinking it.  It tastes like cold grass clippings.  Not that I’ve ever eaten grass clippings, but you get the idea.  My Sludge Smoothie is part of my daily routine.  My toothbrush is actually stained green from brushing after I’ve eaten my concoctions.  I have done a lot of reading (and worrying, unfortunately) about the whole diet thing.  I try really hard to not worry, but I definitely want to go all in and do everything I can to make my body strong and the cancer weak.  So, I pray whenever I start to worry.

Did my diet cause cancer?  No.  

Can changing my diet cure my cancer?  No.

Yet, I feel better when I eat my Sludge Smoothie.  Not physically (I can’t tell a difference in my energy level), but emotionally it feels good to be doing something.  The ingredients vary somewhat, but they are all in the uber-healthy category.  When I am eating my Sludge, I think, “This is good for my body.  You are welcome body.  Please kill the cancer, body.”  It’s a routine that works for me: I pray and ask for healing, and I drink/eat the Sludge.  I check it off my list and I move on to the rest of my day: reading chapter books out loud to Maren (currently, Judy Moody), teaching Greta new words (like puzzle, cup, and belly), keeping up with the ebb and flow of our messy and busy life.

I’m still praying for some big, dramatic, shrinking changes in the cancer before my next appointment with Dr. Wonderful (8 days away).  Obliteration, specifically.  It is a Big Hairy Scary Prayer: God please obliterate the cancer so that there are no visible/palpable cancer spots.  It’s big, and it’s hairy, and it’s scary because I know God can squash my cancer like a bug, but I don’t know if He will.  But, it’s not up to me.  My job is to pray.

Thank you for praying for me, and for my mom, and for everyone who loves us.  I know I’m not alone; I have the prayers from everyone out there, the chemo drug, the biological drug, my immune system, and even my Sludge.  That’s gotta be an unbeatable team, right?  Cancer schmancer.

Tomorrow is Chemo #9.  My friend Spunky won’t be there: she graduated from chemo to radiation (yay Spunky!)  I will probably sleep for an hour due to the Benadryl zonk.  Chemo is part of my routine: the girls love going to Phenom’s house, and I step outside my mom-life and sit in a recliner for most of the day.  Emotionally, I still have the high: I know that chemo is destroying the cancer and that the biological drug is helping my immune system to identify and attack also.

Today I breathe in the normalcy of my life and my girls: we are home today with no agenda or commitments.  I love my life.


  1. suenitz /

    Praying lots of prayers daily for you and your mom, Jen. Love to you.

  2. jen powers /

    Feeling smart as I pray and use the ACTION word obliterate. 🙂 Continuing to pray the big, hairy, scary prayer with you. I love that you go out on a limb and have an unwavering, real deal faith no matter the end result. You are a rock-star!

  3. Praying for you. Have you considered adding a can of coconut milk to your sludge to make it creamy sludge? 🙂 The canned kind (not low-fat or light) is thick with healthy fats and delicious. I’ve heard that can help!

    Hugs to you super mom! You are doing this!

  4. Jen – You don’t know me; I found you through momastery. I wanted to let you know that I pray for you. I was diagnosed with an immune system disorder soon after my son was born 18 months ago, and now I go monthly to the chemo infusion suite to get antibody therapy. Somehow, I always seem to go to my treatment on the days you have chemo (yup, I’m going tomorrow). I sit in my chair and pray for those around me, and I think of and pray for you too. I will be praying for OBLITERATION tomorrow.

  5. Dave /

    Still praying the big scary prayer for you. I will not stop. Trusting God with you!

  6. Add some fruit, too! It will make it taste good while it’s making you healthy. We get bags of frozen fruit and berries in the freezer and blend it up with the greens and water…yum! Still praying for you. Jen with two boys

  7. Bonniebj /

    Praying, thinking unwavering faith prayers for you Jen and your Mom.. Trusting the Lord with my whole heart for your whole hearts daily. May the cancers be obliterated like my roses were today. Pruned back hard for the hope of more beautiful blooms in the days to come. We love you..

  8. Oh my. Could you add maybe some yogurt and additional berries to the smoothie to make it less sludge and more yum? 😉 My sister makes some veggie/berry smoothies where you can’t taste the veggies at all, and I’m not sure if THAT is possible with all those ingredients, but there’s GOT to be a way to make it less gross 😉

  9. Tami /

    Go girl. Do whatcha gotta do. Your immune system can’t help but LUV what sludge does to boost it!
    I will pray that your Dr. Appt next week brings results that will make all doubters believe in the power of prayer. Not that God says yes to everything-as you have pointed out. We can ask though. And we will. We must.

  10. My now-cancer-free friend swears by the sludge! You go girl!

  11. Debbie Ball /

    I have been doing fruit/veg smoothies for a while now. They are delicious. I also add wheat grass which you can get at Trader Joes. I can recommend that if you add a little more flavorful fruits that it wont taste so bad. I add some pineapple, peach, pear, apple, banana. Just a little bit of each to keep the sugar content down. I love that you are adding the chia. It is an awesome protein that many peole don’t know about. Some people beets and ginger but they will overpower the drink and ruin it.

    Keep it up girl! You are doing great.

    My mom was diagnosed with leukemia in December and she has been in remission after the first month. She is 73 and handling the chemo like a champ.

    You are being prayed for by those you don’t even know.


  12. Debbie Ball /

    Oh, and one more thing. I use the ninja blender from costco which gets the consistency very smooth. I also add ice and protein powder. The ice makes it a little thinner so you don’t have to eat it with a spoon. If you need any recipes just let Roz know and I will bring them in to her. Also, consider having a massage or Reiki treatment for relaxation. I can recommend some awesome Reiki practioners.

    Metamucil and orange juice is another awesome trick to keep the bowels going.

    I have this veggie/fruit smoothie down to a science and have done it for over a year.

  13. Melissa Pizzato /

    Jen, please add turmeric juice to your daily sludge routine for an extra cancer fighting boost! Love you and know you will beat this!

  14. Obliteration! Praying!

  15. I am impressed that you found time to type on a “normal” day and you could string two thoughts together. I am in awe!!!! I am still babbling from yesterday. LOL………

  16. My husband would love it if I would drink/eat sludge. I’m not that brave.

  17. Continued Prayers & Peace 🙂

  18. Jodi /

    I frequently have a similar type of smoothie, but I throw a banana in there and some fresh ginger to mask the grassy-ness and give it some sweet and kick! Good for you for taking a wholistic approach to this battle.

  19. Sonya /

    I start my day with a similar sludge but it actually isn’t bad if you add some orange juice to thin it out a bit. Also try adding grapefruit or an orange. Those make the kale a little easier to get down. Good Luck!