Refine me

Apr 20

My doctor and I agree, the tumor is a little smaller.  The lymph node is smaller too.  This is good thing.  Dr. Wonderful is confident that we are in a better position today than we were one month ago.  Also, he is happy that my body is tolerating the treatment.  (Gravity: not everyone tolerates the treatment.)  So, I have to be patient while the treatment progresses.  But.  It is hard sometimes.  Today, in fact, it is hard.  The changes are not dramatic.  In this case, I would like a little drama.  As in: “Poof!  No cancer.”

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. –Psalm 27:14

Late tonight, I realized the date is April 19th.  I was diagnosed on Day 1: March 19.  I am still at the beginning of a very long process.

Chemo is only Step One in a plan with an unknown number of steps.  I have received only two of sixteen chemo treatments.  I must pace myself for the road ahead.

Chemo’s job in the coming months: shrink the tumor(s) to the point where Dr. Awesome can operate and cut the cancer out.  My job in the coming months: do today well.

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait for Him to act.  –Psalm 37:7

So tonight I wait.

While I wait, I pray for what is happening right now: that chemo would be strangling and shrinking the cancer.

Refine me, Jesus.  Please.

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.  –Psalm 62:5


  1. Praising God here!!
    I love the verses you shared with us: baby steps are a good thing today.

  2. KathyT /

    if you ask for patience, you will learn patience. ask for victory and learn triumph. start saying “thank you, God, for healing me.” it s not too soon.

  3. Prayers from a London monkee! “Doing today well” can be hard even in the easiest of circumstances– but you will have the grace and endurance to do so, because you are smart enough to ask for it (and it can’t hurt that you have more prayer-warriors than you can imagine asking for that and more for you)! Best to you today from one of your warriors…

  4. Sue Nitz /

    Hi Jen, know that God is carrying you like The Footprints in the Sand. You are doing everything you can and you are doing it so well. One day at a time, one minute at a time, looking for the blessings, trusting ing the Lord and loving. Faith, Hope and Love, that is what it is all about. thank you for the blessing of you.

  5. Bonniebj /

    Jen, the race has begun and we’re only in the initial stretch. Endurance is the key and the knowing that the Lord will never give us more than He knows we can handle can give such strength. The troops are with you daily and through the night as you run this race.

  6. they that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength,they shall mount up with wings as eagles,they shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint-stay encouraged

  7. Melissa S /

    Thinking of you as you continue on in this journey. Praying for those steps forward – big and small. Praying for patience and strength. Thank you for sharing your story.

  8. Thinking nasty thoughts about that tumor…sending imaginary laser to help shrink it. Only great thoughts and prayers for you. Best of luck! Jen

  9. genora /

    they that wait upon the lord shall renew their strenght they shall mount up with wings as angels they shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint-genora-i accidently put in on jeni…sorry

  10. Ashley /

    Continuing to think of you and pray for you. Stay strong.
    –Ashley from Louisiana

  11. Tami Graham /

    Whatever the situation, all we get to do is control how we handle the precious time we have. Thanks for that reminder! In 1 Thess 3, it talks about how they were an encouragement to Paul that they stood strong in their faith despite the strong opposition. I thought of you this morning. Your faithfulness to God in this circumstance in your life is such a great and invigorating encouragement to me! Thanks for being God’s hands and feet. Praying for you! Love, Tami Graham

  12. Marion /

    Jen, I don’t know much about cancer treatment, but hearing that it has shrunk after only 2 treatments seems like a reason to cheer. I know the road must seem long, but before you know it, you will be looking back on this journey with your family by your side and it will be all done. Blessings to you today!

  13. Praying for you. Keep up with looking to scripture for strength and visualizing the effects the chemo is having. There really is a faith, mind, body connection & all these prayers coming your way surely will help too! Hope you have at least a couple memorable moments with your family this weekend!

  14. Maryann Heywood Clarke /

    Hi Jen:
    My name is Maryann Clarke and I am a old Monkee and high school math teacher. I have been following you and praying for you quietly on the side since your diagnosis. Today I wanted to let you know what a blessing you are to me. Your faith helps my grow and expend. It gives me peace to know that faith is what is needed to go through hard times — you remind me and build my faith and peace everytime I read your blog. Thank you so much for walking this walk so others can see how faith in Jesus makes hard thing easier to cope with. Not easier to walk through but more peaceful and hopeful. Thank you also for reminding me that the problems I face on a daily basis are not really problems but opportunities. You stay in my prayers as does your hubby and beautiful little girls.

  15. So glad you are improving. You have an amazing attitude. I have three little girls, and I can’t even imagine how you’re doing it all. You’re not only doing it, you’re doing it very well! I’ve been reading your story since Day 1, so I thought I would finally comment. 🙂 I have been and will continue to pray for you. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  16. nrainville /

    Hi Jen – I don’t know you, but I have been praying for you and your family. On Wednesday night at my church service, we were singing this song from Psalm 27 and I thought of you:

    And today you mentioned Psalm 27, so I just wanted to share that song. Believing we will see the goodness of the Lord for you!

  17. Nikki /

    Hi Jen – I don’t know you, but I have been praying for you. We were singing this song from Psalm 27 at church recently, and I was thinking of you:

    When you mentioned Psalm 27 today, I had to share it with you. Believing we will see the goodness of the Lord for you!

  18. KristinaYellow /

    Can I just say how inspiring your words are? Your faith in God his Love for you? As someone who is having trouble with my own relationship with Him, I’m just so amazed at your heartfelt words and your strength through Him.

  19. Tumors are smaller. What wonderful words. Chemo is WORKING!!!! Your spirit inspires me as usual!

  20. Shelley Carter /

    “The Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5-7. Bottom line: He’s got this, Jen!

  21. It is so obvious that you are being refined even as you ask to be refined. And once again, you remind me to WANT to be refined myself. This the journey. Trust the process. Allow your feelings (as you are doing). Be as gentle with yourself as you are with others, like you sweet little girls. The battle is raging. Good will triumph. Love covers you.

  22. Smaller is better 🙂 Peace & Prayers 🙂

  23. Kim Anderson /

    Praying for a blanket of peace to cover you. You are doing today well. Trust that His plan is perfect.

  24. Michelle /

    Thankful that I came to your blog. I pray peace, joy, and healing for you and your sweet family in the name of Jesus. You are one of His favorites! Revel in that knowledge. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  25. Cyndi /

    Every day in every way, you are getting better and better! Sending some extra plj for today…

  26. chubbyroad2skinny /

    I think looking at it as just one day at a time is good. I would think it wouldn’t be so over whelming that way. You have such an amazing attitude.

  27. Hi! You don’t know me, but I found your blog through Glennon at Momastery. Just wanted you to know I’m praying for you!

  28. Jen, we think about you a lot in our house. Every time you come to mind or I read your beautiful words on this blog, I pray for you and your family. One day at a time… I like it.