I cried today

Apr 10

Today was hard. Hard enough that I cried. I cried a few times, in fact.

Crying for me means passion: I really care about the thing that makes me cry. It’s just that sometimes my passion comes out of my eyeballs. (Honestly, this is not the most convenient way to express passion, but it is authentically how I am made and I cannot change my wiring in this regard. I’ve tried.)

I fight hard everyday to overcome the hard, to focus on the good, to create good. Lots and lots of days the good wins the day.

It doesn’t really matter what it is that I cried about. Obviously it’s Important and Big and Matters. (Disclaimer: There is no big medical new thing here — I know my mom would freak out if I didn’t put this disclaimer in. It’s just life. “Just life” — ha.) Truth: normal life stuff is hard.

Today was also a good day. Good and even great things happened today.

But the hard was hard today. It’s not fixed, it’s not over. Neither — as my mom would say — is it final or fatal: there is margin for it to improve tomorrow. Or the next day or the days after that.

I work mega hard to have one good day. One good day with lots more hard work adds up to a string of good days. But there is always the hard to contend with and I am not immune. As the author of this blog I get to write about the things I choose. Today I choose to part the curtain so that my problems-in-process are exposed. I am not perfect and I fail all the time.

The good I’m ending my night with tonight is continuing to keep it real: hard is good, good is hard. And today the hard was really hard: I cried today. And that’s okay.

Tonight I put my head on the pillow knowing that I am enough, and I am doing my best. And for that and so many other things, I am grateful.

23 comments

  1. Peggy /

    Crying is a good thing. For starters, it removes toxins from the body and prevents bacteria from growing on the eyeballs. It sounds counterintuitive, but a good cry is therapeutic…it helps with depression and actually lifts the mood. And after a good cry, the heart rate lowers and breathing slows, putting the body into a naturally relaxed state. You’re absolutely right…regular old life (as opposed to complicated life) is dang hard. So, if you feel a cry coming on…follow Elsa’s advice with a twist…”Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow”. Then take a tip from Taylor and “Shake It Off”. We all love you and are praying for you and your sweet family.

  2. Your passion may come out of your eyeballs, but it also comes out in your writing. Every. Single. Time. You may be the most passionate person I know. I hope today isn’t as hard and that you have the peace of mind to see how incredibly capable you are of doing hard things, even with your body in the state that it is in. If your eyeballs get particularly passionate today, that’s okay, too. Love you, Jen. ❤️

  3. I send most sincere positive vibes your way. Love and Light

  4. Kathi Roth /

    Oh how a good cry is sometimes needed❤️ I am sending
    A “Zuber” hug to you. (My sister’s married name-her father in law gives the absolute best hugs ever).

  5. karineppert /

    Love love love you being raw and real with us. We laugh and cry with you my dear sister. ❤️

  6. Kim Rourke /

    The replies before mine really say it all, and I too pray that those tears led you to a calmer place. Your post (at the end when you spoke of doing your best) also made me think of your words to Maren as you helped her understand failing vs failure.
    The sun is rising here in MI. My morning prayer for you today is that the same sun shines on you and helps to lighten your hard stuff!

  7. Marlayne /

    Cry❣️Baby❣️Cry❣️And it’s Ok❣️🤗🌷🤗

  8. Lisa Marker Robbins /

    Crying can bring relief – at least for me. I try to tough it out then the dam breaks. I hope the crying brought some level of emotional relief. Here’s to a better tomorrow. Sending hugs and prayers.

  9. Thanks for parting the curtain. Love you and I’m sorry it’s so hard sweet friend

  10. Sharon House /

    “If the eyes had no tears, the soul would have no rainbow.” (Native anerican proverb). I believe tears cleanse the soul. You are one amazing woman. Sending big hugs and positive thoughts.

  11. Jesus wept. You are not alone in your tears. Praying for you and yours

  12. Eloise O'Mara /

    I don’t know what to say Jen – sitting here in tears reading this. Sending all the love I have your way xx

  13. Melanie /

    I second what Jill says – your passion comes out in your writing as well as your eyeballs. Thanks for parting the curtain: your vulnerability is a precious gift to those of us who care so much about you. Continuing love and prayers.

  14. Lori6ND /

    Thinking of you, Jen. Hoping it all seems better in the light of a new day.

  15. Not only are you doing your best, you are challenging each of us to do the same, as we witness you choosing to be so intentional about “Doing Today Well.” I am grateful for the many places in the Bible where there are tears and laments – God is good about giving us space and sometimes words to express sadness and grief. Today I pray claim the promises from Lamentation 3:22-23

    The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
    his mercies never come to an end;
    they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

    May you experience His presence and comfort in new ways as you work so hard at walking this difficult path.

  16. Life in general can be so hard it makes our eyes sweat. God gave us tears because they purify and calm our mind, heart and soul. They are a gift from God so embrace them as a hug from our Creator. You are a gift to us, Jen, and I pray for you daily.

  17. Melanie /

    I’m with Jill — your passion comes out through your pen as well as your eyeballs. Thanks for pulling back the curtain a bit. Grief and gratitude are two sides of the same coin: deep responses to things of ultimate value. You show us both, and your vulnerability is a precious gift to all of us who care so much about you. Love and continuing prayers.

    • Stacy Vanstone /

      Jen, You are an amazing blessing to so many of us…..and I for one am so grateful for your wiring, as it is what keeps your honesty, spirit and courage shining bright. I hope your tears were therapeutic and that today is easier.”

  18. Newbie friend /

    Your tears brings my tears. You are so brave, wise and human. Praying for joy for you this week!

  19. Heather Rose /

    Holding space for your tears and your human emotions! Loving you in all the ways you come!

  20. Denise /

    There are not enough cliches to say, to let you know how much you are loved even with red eyes and dribbling noses. Your instincts your determination and strength are formidable.”Hard” you have shown us is baby steps.

  21. Praying for you and for your family. With love, Kay

  22. Crying makes you human… and real.

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