Up and running

May 01

So much to catch up on.

Some of you may have noticed that my blog was hacked.  Yes, some malicious human hacked my blog and embedded malware in the files.  Who does that?  I have had some not-nice thoughts about a person who would hack a cancer blog.  I also had several adrenaline-fueled anxiety peaks wherein I thought all my writing was gone.  I spent about ten hours (most of them with tears in my eyes) communicating with corporate tech support to find out what was going on and attempting to get it restored.  Once it was clear I was in (way, way, way) over my head, I reached out to my friend who helped me set up this blog years ago.  She swooped in and has restored everything and has me set up and ready to write out loud again.  Thank you Kelly!

If you need web design and/or web hosting services, you need to check out KDesign (https://kdesignweb.com) and let my friend Kelly be your superhero.  She’s amazing, folks.  Did you know we’ve never met and she approached me as a stranger friend and reader?  As much as the hacker made me shake my fist at humanity, people like Kelly continually redeem humanity.

The hacked situation is fairly representative of the past few weeks.  I’ve been attacked, or there is a glitch in the matrix, or the universe is tilted in some way.  I am word down and ready for some steady positive things to happen.  Sheesh.

Yesterday I had my quarterly PET scan appointment.  Brad, Dr. Wonderful and I assessed the latest on what is happening with the cancer in my body.  The radiologist described the scan as a “mixed result” in his report, and that’s pretty descriptive.  Some tumors are stable, some slightly regressed, some slightly progressed, and there is one new spot in my left lung.

First, the gratitude.  It could be much worse; we know this to be true.  The cancer continues to be located in my lungs and lymphatic system; there is no other organ involvement.  The spot in my lung that grew from September to January that we have specifically been praying for stabilized, so that is something of a miracle.  (No medical changes took place, so there is not a medical explanation for that stabilization.)

Second, the honesty.  It’s uncomfortable and scary to have growing cancer.  It is a vulnerability that is hard to describe.  However there is a richness in it too: it has lead me to a living-in-the-present lifestyle that is absolutely the best way to live.

Third, the action. What are we doing about it?  Dr. Wonderful is opting to keep me on my current drug regimen for two reasons: 1) there is not a great “next” option to move me to, and 2) my quality of life is significantly higher on this combination than many/most of my prior combinations.  For that reason we both want me to stay on this combo as long as possible.  He is adding one additional drug that shouldn’t change my symptoms too much, and it’s one more thing to try.  Thankfully my echocardiogram had a good result (meaning my heart is tolerating everything reasonably well for now), and Pfizer is continuing to grant me compassionate use of Ibrance.  Both of these things are critical to staying the course.

The win for me is that I gained a summer of feeling better than I have in several summers.  I hope to dust off my bike, to order pizza to the pool for dinner, to pop new freckles, to run the hill, to read an entire book in one day, to see something beautiful in nature, to lose track of the number of hand-holding walks I take with Brad, to try something new, and to eat ice cream with my daughters.

Bring on the adventure.  C’mon universe, I’m ready.

3 comments

  1. Katie /

    you have this beautiful!

  2. I’m so glad to see you back! After fighting with my camera for two days to get pictures uploaded, I’m afraid I would have been completely hysterical in your situation with the blog hacking. And while that was a truly awful experience, I’m relieved that your blog’s absence was due to “technical difficulties” and not health calamities. Wishing you a summer that is crammed full of delights for you and your loved ones!

  3. annie /

    I was wondering where you were. Happy that you are up and running and your blog posts have been saved. Have a wonderful summer, Jen!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *