Laughter

Brad just came in, looked at me, and started laughing.

This happens a lot to us — in both directions. One of us is usually laughing at the other. It is a mark of a good marriage, no?

I am sitting on my bed, knees up, with a tiny Bluetooth keyboard on my legs and my phone propped on top of it while I type.  It’s awkward: awkward-looking and awkward-functioning.  I’ve been computer-less for the past week-plus, and I’m so writing-starved I’ve resorted to this ridiculous set-up.  He was right to laugh.

It was so funny to him that he felt the need to take a photo of me.  And him pointing it out was enough for me to laugh at the ridiculousness of it too.  Until then I just thought I was being resourceful; inventive, even.  We both belly laughed as I filled him in on my day.  A good laugh heals so many things.  I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

I’ve socialized more with Apple Genius’ than I have anyone else this week, and there are a good half-dozen with whom I’m now on a first name basis.  We high-five.  We’re friends.  I kind of feel like the cool kid at school except I’m actually the hot mess at the Apple Genius Bar.  Doh.  I’ve made three trips to the store and my computer is spending the night there for the second time in a week.  They should really serve beer at that bar.  For the record, the team there has been above-and-beyond with trying to get me back in the game. There’s a long version and a short version for what is going on, neither of which is very interesting. The analogy one of the Genius’ gave me is that my computer is like a Volkswagon Beetle and it’s currently carrying the load of a pick-up truck. It’s not happy. The Apple people are helping me to restructure the load so that my VW can putter along, but it’s capacity has been met. Doh.  Luckily I am remembering that this is not a real problem; it will be fine.

Meanwhile, I’ve got my silly little phone/keyboard combo going tonight so I can write, and process, and be Jen. I’ve tried writing longhand off and on these past few years, and I tried again this week, and it’s not satisfying: my hand cramps too quickly and I can’t write as fast as I type so I feel encumbered in several ways.

I’m feeling out of touch, partially because last week was my chemo-plus-shot week which means it’s the toughest week of the month for me, and also because of the computer thing.  I can’t compute (haha), and the energy I do have is spent bellied up to the Apple bar instead of more soul-filling investments.

I am praying that all things are moving in a good direction now; today was my off week (no chemo).  I am hoping for an energy boost, some good thoughts and conversations, and to be a bit more in balance.

I’ve been typing and deleting all evening on my awkward setup here, and I think I’m just going to go to sleep so I can maximize the mojo of my tomorrow.  There is much to say, and much bouncing around in my head, but not much is coming out coherently tonight.

I’ll try again tomorrow.  Or, you know, soon.

Per Greta’s request tonight at the dinner table, we shared our highs and lows.  My high of the day was laughing with Brad at my resourceful ridiculousness, and the cherry-on-top was that our laughter was his high too.  Sometimes I worry I am such a burden, so it is gloriously sweet to my heart that after he has a big, long, full day, it is the ridiculousness and laughter from me that resonates in his heart.  I’m a lucky girl.

Better together, laughing.