Palooza-ing

When I was diagnosed with my first lung spot sixteen months ago, I wrote a blog called “I’ve been told to dream” because the message coming from my medical team is “hope for the best, but don’t wait”.  That’s why 2014 became known as Vacation Palooza 2014; we did some amazing and spectacular things.  Many once-in-a-lifetime things crammed into one year.  Memory making and experiential living became our priority in ways that trumped some longer term goals we have/had.

Brad and I are planners and budgeters.  We’re also fiercely committed to approaching my diagnosis with as much realistic optimism as we can.  It is a tightrope that we navigate together: hope for the best, understand the worst.

It means that now we are much more focused on our short term goals than long term goals.  Our new-since-Stage IV perspective is that if we’re stressed in the far-off years to come that will be a blessing.  We have each other, and we have perspective.  Because of this, we’ll never actually be stressed: we’ll be too busy being grateful.

And, we have every reason to be hopeful.  My medical status is NED (No Evidence of Disease).  Yippee!!!

When my scan was approaching last December, I remember thinking, “I just hope it is clean.  I want to take my foot off the gas, and just be normal.  I want to plan ahead for dental appointments, volunteer to coach the team, sign up for the dance recital and do other things that are so very, very, very normal for other young mamas.”

When the scan came back not clean, it meant there was a major cluster of drama — major surgery and all that — but there was also the message: keep your foot on the gas, don’t wait.

The message that has come with both of my lung spots is this: Do today well.  Carpe diem.  Don’t wait.  Live.  Be.  Experience.  Do.  Dream.  Run.  Shine.  Palooza on.

God and I do a lot of work together wherein we balance my mind and heart and soul: I am content in Him.  When it comes to living life, I’ve resolved that I’m just going to live a Palooza Life.  It’s bizarre to conclude a marvelous year like 2014; I find myself looking around like, “Welp.  Now what?  I’ve just done an amazing year of awesomeness and I am still NED.”  I am often brought to my knees in gratitude that I am so healthy, so strong, so blissfully Jen.

I’ve decided the only thing to do is keep on palooza-ing.  The alternative is to wait for “something” to happen, and I sure as heck don’t want to do that.  I refuse to live my life in scan-crements.  Scan-cements are the increments of time between scans.  I can’t wait for the next scan scan to make sure I’m healthy enough to plan the next fun thing.  I must plan on fun… the palooza-ing must continue.

We pray (we pray) that I’m palooza-ing my life for the next 47 years.

Honestly, I think it’s a good way to live, not just for me, but for all of us.